yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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