puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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