and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
