I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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