There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
