No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
