Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
