Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
