Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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