wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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