Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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