I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
