the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
