I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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