i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
