when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
