Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He passed out mid-signature
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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