youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
