they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
