The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
