i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What a dumb baby whore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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