She is in my trunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
