My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
