u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
