Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
