I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
