So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
