She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
