pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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