Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
