Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
