I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
