No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
