I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
