so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sext me about skeletons
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
