John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
