Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
