Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
