Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
