I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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