just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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