remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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