Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We got so high we made milksteak
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
