The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
