Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
