dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
