What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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