So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
