Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
