I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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