I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
