apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
