there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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