If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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