and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
