Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
