i don't like sucking hair
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
