it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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